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February 20 The gloom of winter.....and I'm out at sea*sighs*...................it's a shroud sp.? of bleakness I'm enveloped in but I still have a weird energy in me to continue on......perhaps it's the calling of Spring that's keeping me going at this point......I'm not sure. Things went south big time in December right before Christmas. My husband's Uncle and name-sake passed away from a rare disease. He was a priest in the Navy and giving all that he had for his country and God, he died from a cruel disease and was buried on one damn cold and rainy day - it just didn't seem right. Then my husbands boss informed us our income would be cut by $400/mo. BUT hey - he'd still have a job....so Christmas was probably more like it should be this year - a LOT less for the boys....and the budget is incredibly tight now. In January my Uncle died from yet another rare cruel disease - PICKS - it's similar to Alzheimers but worse. Shortly after that, my step-mother was put into a psychiatric facility for severe depression and being suicidal. I can relate so much with her and my dad was so upset that I dropped everything and went up there to stay with him - it's about 3and half hours away. I can't say why, but one night was all I could handle. Around the beginning of February, both of my sons behavioral issues had became an issue once again. With the older one it began as soon as wrestling ended. ALL of his attention went back to the girlfriend and with an obsessive quality he's known for. With the younger one it's more probably a med issue, but the older one is definately going downhill quickly. 2 in-school suspensions this week for being disrespectful to a teacher on 2 seperate occasions. He had just been released from therapy and now it's back to the drawing board. Last week my great Aunt Evelyn died and my mom and I went to her funeral yesterday - it was more emotional for me than I had expected. She was 93 and had lived a very full life - but I guess seeing the photo presentation of her family which included her brother - my grandpa was what got me - that and of course all the memories that brought up of all the times my grandpa would take me over to visit with her when I lived with my grandparents. I was his side-kick and he was always running around visiting his family - not long visits - but very memorable for me. After the funeral my mom and I went to visit with my Great Aunt Evelyn's sister - Florence. My Great Aunt Florence has been in a nursing home for the past couple months and did not look well at all. She was in her mind - not bad for 95 but she was having a very hard time breathing and said she was uncomfortable but didn't want us to do anything for her - I so just wanted to adjust her neck pillow. She did allow me to give her a drink of water which she said tasted really good - but she didn't want anything to eat and I guess hadn't eaten much for the past month. Talking seemed to be progressively difficult for her and as the weather was getting worse after about a half hour visit - we left - we still wanted to go visit my Great Aunt Freida - my Grandma's sister before we left to head back to Columbus. By the time we were headed for home the roads were really bad and my mom's car is horrible in the snow - rear-wheel drive. After we crossed the snow belt we both had a sigh of relief and my mom asked me if I got the feeling my Aunt Florence had just wanted us to stay while she rested. I told her she seemed disappointed but I think she understood that the weather was getting worse. She said that she didn't think that she was going to make it much longer. My mother obviously sensed something I did not. She called early this morning and told me that Florence had died last night. I was shocked. My mother was very upset. I tried to console her with the fact that at least we had gotten to spend some time with her before she passed, but she feels guilty that she didn't stay longer. Florence was the last of her Father's family - they have all passed now and she is mourning that as well. Her phone call brought on tears that seemed to come from many heartaches this morning - but it was one of those healthy cries. Her funeral will probably be early next week and after that....I hope not to have any for a long time.....but as I type that it's in the back of my mind that so many in my and Tom's family are getting up there in age and death is inevitable. God....give me strength.....I'm going to need it.....as if I ever haven't. Comments (4)
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