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July 20 I have Michael Jackson's disease.....VitiligoIt seems to run in famalies and I noticed it on my father, just a few years ago. His hands and forearms appeared to have been severely burnt or something - that's what my first thought was when I saw it. He explained to me that it was the same thing Michael Jackson had....and was why he was so "white". It was a little disturbing, but he said it didn't hurt and he just had to be very careful whenever he was going to be out in the sun because virtually ALL of his pigment and therefore natural protection had been destroyed by his own body....it's an auto-immune disease. I discovered my first 2 white "patches" last night and freaked out a little bit. After doing a little more research tonight....I'm even more freaked out. If it stays on my hands and arms - like it has on my father - I can deal with it....but if it does what it does frequently.....spreads to the face.....that may be a tad harder to deal with. I'm not a vain person......but my FACE?  July 17 Can't believe I've been gone 5 months.....Well, not gone.....just not "touching my stone" so-to-speak. Part of it was the depression and part was the chaos that is always entangled in my life. Anyhow - I'm here now to update a bit. It's still lingering....the depression and the chaos....but I needed the therapy. I think EVERYBODY is in need of some right now....some just more than others. The economy SUCKS dirt. My husband took an involuntary paycut in January and yet another one - double the one in January - as of June. It has caused just a little bit of stress.
 I am not entirely sure how we are going to make it. With the kids home on summer break - I'm looking at having to take on a night shift type job....and I'm not thinking that's a good idea right now. Tyler has been back in his rut and Tom with the stress and his temper....it scares me to be honest. He thought about looking into a 2nd job....but again....there's his stress already....and I really need the relief he gives when he gets home. It's a tight rope we walk. I know everyone walks it - I just don't know how everyone makes it. I know quite a few people on the very edge of a financial crisis - living day to day - just hoping things are going to "turn around".....and I just don't see it happening any time soon. It's becoming very scary out there. I was raised detesting the doomsday attitude of my family....and that's exactly what I am reflecting....and I hate it. I hate that they might have been right and I hate that I've taken on the attitude that it may just be better not to exist at all than to live in a world that's so f'd up. Violence is going to be on the increase and it's already bad. Living in our little cocoons is becoming more and more preferrable and for the depressed....it's comforting. Stay home? Sure! Love to!  That's just assuming we always have a "home" to stay in. Been down this road before.....I would fight tooth and nail to make sure of that. BTW...if you're a new-comer to the Touch Stone....you'll find it's not exactly a "bubbly" place......sorry.....it's therapy...not a place you come to raise your spirits. I only keep it public to perhaps help someone else out there know they're not alone....including myself.....I love your comments.
Tyler finished the school year without too much trouble. It wasn't as bad as 6th had been but it wasn't great. During the year he got a girlfriend....ugh.....and we let it get out of hand even though we thought we were being strict and cautious. You know....the phone calls got to be too frequent....and then too long and then the visiting between the houses became regular instead of occasional and then she became a little too comfortable with us and us with her and before you knew it - she was being as rude and disrespectful to us as Tyler was. A little too late into the game we found out other little bits and pieces like she was a year and a half older than him....(huge since girls mature faster than boys and he's incredibly immature as it is), then she's living with her Uncle and Aunt because she was removed from her Mother's home for reasons she wouldn't divulge,
 then we find out she's AD/HD, depressed and oh yeah, attempted suicide a couple times. Sound familiar? She was like the female version of Tyler. With the advice and backing of his psychiatrist, we started to put a hault to the relationship which you can imagine didn't go over well. It all came to a head a few weeks ago and it ended with me calling the police on my own son and filing unruly charges this week. I know it sounds extreme to many - but in the end - we hope it will get him additional help that we just can't give him anymore. We just don't know what to do anymore. We have lost control and that is a very scary thing when you are a parent....especially a mother. I don't want to see him get hurt or hurt someone else. I want him to be who I know he is capable of being. I want my son back.....I know he is in there....I see glimpses every now and again. We will be taking him out of the public school system for Jr. High this year....him and his brother....and enrolling them in a community school. They will have to wear uniforms and neither one of them cares one bit and are looking forward to the new school. I think it speaks volumes about the school system we are in right now.....very sad. I wish I had known about this option sooner....perhaps some of the damage could have been avoided. Live and learn I guess - and forgive yourself for your short-comings....or they do nothing but haunt you. |
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