Tyler's expulsion hearing was a little over 3 hours ago - at 8AM this morning....and I'm not a morning person.....

I slept very little last night as I spent most of the night going over and over in the dark, how I was going to explain to a room full of people, why my child should NOT be expelled for his actions.  As we arrived at the Board of Education building I felt an incredible feeling of embarassment and quickly shoved it away and replaced it with determination to get my son help.  Help turned out to be -   only steps away.  Mr. Beck - the Hearing Officer - was a gift from God - the answer to my prayers.  I was able to calm the "shakes" moments after entering the building where the door was opened for me by Tyler's principal, Mr. Lanning with a warm greeting.  Mr. Beck told me to "relax, everything is going to be alright" as he ushered us down the hall and into a meeting room.  He told us right away that he did not intend to expel Tyler but explained in great detail why.  He did not make light of what Tyler did by any means, but took into account the fact that he wasn't the one discovered with the toy gun but was honest when asked if he WAS the one that had brought it to school that day.  He agreed the 10 day suspension was a sufficient consequence considering it would take him through the end of the year and he'd be missing out on all of the fun that goes on then.  He did however add some notations to Tyler's ridiculously large file.  He has to maintain a C grade level in all of his classes next year and he can't find himself back in front of him again or it will be a no-questions-asked-expulsion.  What Tyler didn't hear - because he was sent out of the room for awhile - is that he is also going to be tested for an Individualized Learning program that will assist him greatly if he qualifies.  Mr. Beck apparently has a background in the field of Behavioral Health and believes Tyler will.  For the first time in a long time, I feel there is hope for him acedemically.  I am refreshed and renewed in mind and spirit......and I am VERY thankful. 

The officer explained to me that he was going to go over to Tyler and explain to him what I was going to do.  He told me not to worry.  Tyler would not be taken away from me - which was an immediate concern.  He assured me that this was simply a way to let the child know that since he refuses to follow our rules that now he would have to follow the county's rules, because we had done all we could with him at home - at that level, and that was not working.

 

He went over to Tyler who was still in the car, and in front of the outdoor class in session (I think this had a very poiniant effect on each and every one of them as well) the officer firmly and with a voice that carried explained to Tyler exactly what I was going to do.  I was going to drive him to downtown  Columbus to the Franklin County Court House, we'd be going through the main lobby metal detectors and up to the 4th. floor where his mother would be going in front of a judge and filing charges against him for being an unruly or disobediant child.  He then explained that the judge would confer with me as to what rules we expected him to follow, he would then make sure Tyler understood them and send him home.  At a later court date, his parents would go before the judge again and let him know if he had indeed been following the rules or not, at what time he would decide the outcome and he cited a few examples of what could happen if he had not been following the agreed upon rules.  For the most part, the officer held Tyler's attention, but when he lost it, he sternly reminded him to "look at me please".  If I had been Tyler, I would have been terrified.  Tyler however, was just Tyler.  Not much shakes him.  In fact, the only time Tyler really get shaken is when someone around him that he cares for gets seriously wounded.  His dad putting his arm through a glass window about sent him over the edge. 

Anyhow, I did exactly as the officer had said I would.  It was indeed the hardest thing I have ever done.  I cried the whole way there, I cried as we waited in the wating area in front of strangers and I cried as I relayed my reasons for being there to the assesment lady.  Tyler said little in the car on the way, but of course blamed the other kid for getting caught with the gun, played with his miniature Tech Deck skateboards on the floor in the waiting room and acted sorry but unemotional in the assesment lady's office.  She was a down to earth veteran of the department and had seen one too many Tyler's.  She talked straight and stern with him.  Even joking with him and agreeing with him a few times.  Then she laid it all out.  She didn't sugar coat anything and then she gave him and me an "out".  She asked me if we were going to actually charge him today or just keep the papers on file and see if Tyler can take this last chance we were willing to give him.  I gave him the chance.  He has already broke a rule and it's just 2 days later.  All we would have to do is make a phone call and go down and sign the papers and the charges will be officially filed.  I am afraid that this boy of mine, that insists on pushing the limit, will indeed push this one as all the others.  I am afraid his father and I will have to be the ones to teach him one of life's hardest lessons.  We are his parents and nobody ever said parenting was easy.   Unless the unimaginable happens - we would not take further steps without first discussing it with his therapist and physician, but for the love of our son.....I think we will do whatever is necessary.

 

I still have a blog coming that will explain more about how we could of possible got to this point in the first place.

Yesterday morning started badly with me getting my youngest to school 10 minutes late.  Grocery shopping wasn't too bad and I had just gotten almost everything put away when the phone call came.  I saw the familiar School's number on caller I.D. and just knew....

 

It was Mr. Lanning - my oldest son's Principal.  I have heard from him at least 6 times this school year - one time for each time he has been suspended.  There were 11 days left in the school year.  He just got a 10 day suspension  - with an expulsion hearing thes coming Thursday the 29th.  I will have to go clean out his locker - because he is not permitted on school grounds the remainder of the school year - and perhaps never again.  You want to think it can't get much worse....but it always can, and deep down, you know it will.....and it has.

 

He took a 3 inch toy gun to school.  It was not something WE got for him btw - he originally obtained it from some kid at his school a couple months ago - we knew he had it and it came up "missing".  I had been collecting all of the things from him that could get him into trouble - BB guns, sling shot, pocket knives, that stupid little gun, etc., and he had just been told the day before he had taken it to school that when it was found....I wanted it.  I was particularly upset over this whole incident because of this.  He absolutely knew the rules of the school and he knew he wasn't supposed to have it in the first place.  He had taken the gun to school to trade another boy for his skateboard.  I wanted to wring his neck.  The other boy was caught with the gun, and so he got into trouble too.  I immediately called Tom at work and ruined yet another of his days at what is already a stressful time at work for him.   He wanted me to call the police officer we'd been given the name of who was supposed to meet with Tyler at school any day now (too late now) and ask him to meet me at the school and give Tyler a good talking to....a "scare".  I did, but he was not available.  When I called the other number I had been given, I was told they did not "Do that sort of thing".  The school told me they figured that was what they would say.  ARE YOU FLIPPIN' KIDDING ME?!!!    I was not happy.  I drove over and picked him up.  I did not speak a single word to him - for fear of what would come out of my mouth.   I removed the earring from his ear....he had pierced his own ear about a month and a half ago without permission and instead of coming down like a hammer on him, we realized he had done it to try and fit in and we allowed him to keep it pierced BUT demanded the gawdy fake diamond be replaced with a little silver gheko I helped him pick out.  I marched him out of the school, in front of an outdoor class in session and into the car.  I had backed out of my parking space and was pulling out of the parking lot when I saw a police cruiser pulling into the lot.  They often drive around the schools patroling the area.  I put my car in reverse and pulled back into my space and jumped out of my car with the car still running and was able to get the officer to stop as he was passing.  I put my heart on my sleeve I guess you'd say.  I started with....I was wondering if you could please help me.....(tears flowing but without any of that ugly face thing....the kind of tears you have absolutely no control over).....my son is getting into a lot of trouble - he was just recommended for explusion - I am afraid I am losing him and I don't know what to do!  (ok...now the ugly face started to creep up but the officerquickly reassured me.)  When I was pretty sure he was going to tell me he wasn't permitted to "do that sort of thing" - he said, "I've got kids of my own....let me sign out here and you can tell me what's been going on and we'll see what we can do".  This huge weight lifted .  I quickly went over Tyler's history and the officer told me if this was his son, he'd file charges against him.   I'd never heard of such a thing, but he briefly explained how a parent can file charges against their own children for unruly behavior and violating the rules of your home.  If the child continues to violate the rules....they then can step in and take further steps to get them in line.  Ankle bracelets - if the child is continually running away, Juvenile detention, Special schools with work and therapy programs, Foster home placemet, etc..  He explained by doing this, we are taking responsibility for our child who is barreling down the wrong road and hopefully stop him while he's still young enough to catch.  I know this might seem extreme - but you don't know the whole story.  I have been leary to blog here about it, but I have decided.  Maybe this can help some other parent or child.  Our lives are being consumed and destroyed by this.  I pray we find our way and I can only do what I think to be the best after taking in all of the information.  Hopefully there is someone out there that will learn from our mistakes, accomplishments or be comforted by sharing a mutual pain.  In future blogs I will explain how I was able to drive my 12 year old son to the Franklin County courthouse in downtown Columbus and file the paperwork necessary to press charges against him.