HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

BOO!

My life has been blanketed with guilt for as long as I can remember.  I've had a couple memories before the age of 5, but not many.  The guilt started that early though, probably from my parents divorce according to psychiatrists, but it has followed me all this time.  I never even was bad!  Well, almost never.  *smile*  When I was though, OMG!  The guilt was overpowering.  I guess that's probably why I was a pretty good kid - it indeed kept me on the straight and narrow...for quite a long time.  Anyhow.....

I came across this article about the rampant use of guilt, to get the animal lovers of the world, to spend "whatever it takes" to cure what ails Fluffy and Fido.  This really hit home.   

I love animals.  I've rescued several throughout my lifetime.  I've spent - my husband and I - much of our income - when we didn't have much - on our pets.  I've shed many tears over pets that have passed away.  I've spent sleepless nights with sick and dying pets and a couple while they were in labor.  I've done the "MISSING" poster thing and searched relentlessly for missing pets - and have always found them.  I've reunited many lost pets with their owners.  I have a "canister set" as my husband calls it, of deceased pets ashes.  (slightly morbid - I know)  I love my animals - but I have needed to remind myself a time or two, that they are animals.  

The first time I had to do this was not even with my dog, but with one I had picked out for my Mom as a favor for my step-father.  This puppy was a vacuum and would suck up any little thing on the floor - including coins.  My parents went on vacation and had left little Gizmo with me and a nightmare ensued.  A day in my care he got deathly ill.  I rushed him to the local Emergency Vet (it was a Saturday night) and the tests revealed something like 83 cents in his intestines.  Copper pennies btw can be toxic.  To make a long story short....by the time my parents returned home, their puppy had a hole on it's side that I actually had to "feed" him through with a tube and a syringe that went directly into his stomach.  It was horrible.  I had been keeping them updated about his condition, (which effectively had ruined their vacation) but they weren't prepared.  They had left me with a bouncing ball of fur and came back to a really sick pup with a hole in his side the size of a nickel.  I know I shouldn't of felt so guilty, but I did.  I was the one that had to go up to the vet everyday and when given the choices for what next step in care would be provided (or denied) - I had to decide what to do.  That's what my step-father told me to do.  I also had weighing on my mind how tight he is.  Sometimes there would be a test or a procedure that I felt quilted into having done.  I felt it looked like I didn't care, so I'd agree to do it and just pay for it myself. Once the bill reached a certain point, and Giz wasn't getting any better, I told them that I didn't think that my step-father was going to spend much more and the vet looked horrified.  He left the room and came back in a short time later with an offer.  He suggested that him and his staff would "donate" their time if we would just pay for the meds and supplies to continue with his treatment.  I thought that sounded good - and anyhow - what cold person would say no thank-you to continuing treatment???  That's what we did until my parents returned home.  So, with a still, very sick dog,  a bill over $3,000.00, nobody capable of doing the "feedings" at my parents house - (they are all very squeamish) - I, feeling very guilty about everything, continued caring for Gizmo.  Several medications, 3 feedings a day, wound cleaning each time - (it's a messy process) - check-ups to the vet, for another week until he finally starts to take a turn for the better and starts eating on his own.  It was a small victory for me and a short-lived moment of relief.  The next battle was getting the open wound to heal.  It took forever.  When it finally did though, and I was able to take him home it was the best.  Everyone was so happy.  Again, it was short lived.  He wasn't home a few days before he stopped eating again and became listless.  His trip back to the vet turned into a spat with the vets wanting to run a bunch of tests and them reminding my step-father that their prior agreement of "donated" time by the staff was no longer "effective" since they considered this a "new" incident.  It was not good.  Gizmo was taken home and my Mom called me in tears.  Now she was feeling the guilt that I had been feeling for nearly a month.  What should she do?  Should she take him to another vet?  Is this something that was going to drag out forever?  What if they got him all better and he just ate another penny that she missed picking up from one of the kids?  Did she want to put him (or me) through that feeding crap again?  Even the few days he was back home and eating - she said he wasn't himself - would he ever be again?  And then I knew I could lift her guilt and stop the suffering.  I had put my time, money and heart into trying to save Gizmo, but I knew it was right to remind her that he was an animal and was not living a quality life and it was ok for her to let him go and be in peace.  I could feel her tension release.  I went with her the next day and we both were with him when he fell asleep ever so peacefully.  It was sad yes, but I feel it was the right choice for us.  If we had money to burn, of course I would have given it all to save him, as long as he was living a quality life.  That was the bottomline though, he wasn't and nobody could guarantee that it wasn't going to be another month of that for him.  No running or jumping for a month and he was a puppy.  Sometimes, I just think it's the vet, that does what I did for my Mom, the one that knows true compassion for both species.  I know vets are doctors for animals, but they must always remember we brought our animal to them because we do love them and want the best for them - whatever that may be, and sometimes it's not always another test or procedure.  Sometimes what's best, is letting us know it's ok to consider their "quality" of life.  I know it effects their pocket - but I think if they search their heart for why they became a vet in the first place, they'll remember. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BELIEVE IT OR NOT.....THESE ARE ALL MY FUR BABIES.......*SMILE*    

 ONE OF THESE DAYS I WANT TO TRY AND GET A GROUP PHOTO....SERIOUSLY....LOL!

It's a photo of me and one of my younger cousins, Jeremy.  I'm about 6 or 7 and he's probably 3 or 4.  We are sitting on the bench of one of several player pianos his dad had redone.  We're not just sitting however, we are perched on the edge of the bench with our fingers gripping the front edge of the piano and we are singing away as each of us pumps our individual pedal.  If you've never played a player piano....in manual mode, you actual work the piano by pumping 2 pedals up and down opposite of each other - you have to pump at a certain speed for the music to play and sound right.  Us kids loved it, but the littler ones couldn't do it too well by themselves - (short legs and we didn't have the strength nor the stamina) - but paired up....we had a blast!  lol  Anyhow, this photo keeps popping into my head for some strange reason.  Think it first popped up in a dream and now I find myself thinking about it during the day for absolutely no reason!  It's weird.  I'm close with most of my cousins...but not this one so much, which makes it even more odd.  I'm sure my grandmother has it and I want a copy just because I can't figure out why it does.  Don't know why having a copy will change that - guess I just want to take a closer look.  It's just one of those things.  Problem is my grandmother lives about 8 hours away and hasn't been doing so well - at least not well enough for me to ask her to go hunting for it amongst all the photos she has.  I could ask my aunt who's taking care of her to look, but she has her hands full between my grandmother and her husband who's got alzheimers (and then there is this little spat her and I had a couple years ago....it was actually a falling out that had been building for years), so I guess I'll wait for my mom's next visit and ask her to look for it.  I know  I should probably just go up and visit myself, but there's that pesky aunt issue.....*sigh*....and I'm just not ready for another visit to Transylvania er I mean Pennsylvania quite yet.....*wink*

My mom called me a few days ago and told me that her uncle Herb had passed away.  We had just been talking about him a few days before when he had been transferred to a different assisted living facility due to the fact that he no longer could afford the one he had been at.  He was not happy about it.  He really liked the one he was at - he knew his way around that one (he was pretty much so blind) and liked the staff there.  He had recently fallen and broke his hip and was in pain and told my mom during her recent visit that he was ready to head "home" and just wanted everyone there to just leave him alone.  He had lived a full life, his wife and all of his friends had passed away ahead of him, his only son had treated him like dirt.  (he even asked that nobody contact him upon his death)  A couple weeks later, he was gone.  I strongly believe that when a person loses the will to live, and they have done all that they were meant to do, God takes them home.    

Rest In Peace Uncle Herb

If you could go back in time to any point in your life and tell yourself something....What would it be?  This was a question I heard posed tonight on a commercial for that new show Journeyman.   I haven't watched it, but it did peak my interest. (I watch C.S.I. during that time slot)  Anyhow, I heard the question, and I came up with something right away.  A few minutes later though, I came up with something that probably would have been better.  Think about it and then try and see if you can see yourself actually listening to yourself about that enlightened bit of advice from the future.  I don't know about you, but I bet that I would make the same decisions regardless of what I told myself - I'm that kind of stubborn.  Stupid stubborn.  I don't know.  Maybe not.  I guess I would hope I could see the sincerity and age in my eyes and make the suggested course correction, but I guess it would depend on what age I was going back to - something else to take into account.  A simple question has turned into a deep reflection.  Not my intention - really!  I also know at least one person out there....I'll withhold her name....*ahem*...will say she wouldn't change a thing.  *smile*  Which brings up another point.  Once one decision has been altered....how much of your current life would be changed.  Would your life as you know it today be at all the same?  lol  - aaaaaah - maybe some things are best left alone.....like our lives.

It's just a question and not possible...so why bother sparking all those tired brain cells anyhow....it's late.

OK.  I have one "full" costume.  It's a witch that I bought for my Bailey girl - she was a beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback/Pit mix.  She only got to wear it for one Halloween though as she was hit and killed before her 1st. birthday.  Probably one of the most traumatic things I've ever lived through since we all witnessed it.  We are one of those families that treat our pets as family.  I know animals are animals and people are people and when push comes to shove - it's always people come first, but I'd put it this way....Once I got my children out of a burning house safely, I'm going back in for the animals until it's absolutely no longer possible to.   That's just me.  If you don't feel the same way, I have a feeling you just never got attached to animals like we have.  It's in my blood - the way I was raised.  Both of my parents are huge animal lovers and growing up as a single child, (until both of my parents who later divorced and remarried, had kids) I was never alone.  My siblings and playmates that were ALWAYS there for me when I needed them - were the animals - and there were ALL kinds.  *grins*  Not all at the same time mind you, but throughout my childhood there were chickens, pheasants, peacock, ducks, guinea fowl, parakeets, cockatiels, fish, turtles, frogs, mice, gerbils, guinea pigs, hamsters, rabbits, cats, dogs and these are the more exotic.....raccoons, a red fox and at one time a opossum with her babies, living on a broom hanging in our closet.  My parents were, like myself today, rescuers.  If we found an animal that was injured, we took it home and nursed it back to health.  If it was able to go back into nature, it was released, and if not, it lived out it's life with us.  I loved it......and oh the stories.

Why all the fowl?  My great uncle raised them and when he could no longer care for himself, my mom, dad and me moved into his house so that my mom could take care of him.  After he died, we inherited the birds along with everything else.  His walk-in coops made THE best playhouses and hideouts....as long as you didn't mind the bird poop everywhere....lol.  (I was a kid - so of course, I didn't mind).  It was in one of the tallest trees on my great uncles property I climbed to the top of following two of my raccoons.  At the top the coons began playing in my hair - which was very long - long enough to sit on.  After a time, they had it so entangled in the branches I couldn't get it loose and started calling for my mom - I was 4.  Upon coming outside and discovering where I was - my mom about lost it.  *grins*  She ran in and called her mom who told her to call the fire department.  I remember her repeatedly yelling to me to "stay put and not to move!" - crying the whole time - she isn't what you'd call "cool during an emergency" and I kept trying to tell her I couldn't cause my hair was stuck from the coons.  All I remember is wanting to calm her down - and so I just sort of ripped the tangled hair free as I descended - followed by my masked playmates - before the ladder truck even arrived.  The fox I wish I was old enough to remember, but I was only a baby.  My dad had a huge pen for him and they said he was so tame that I would crawl around in his cage with him.  Really tame or just lucky, I don't know, all I can tell you is that I still have all my fingers and toes.  *smile* 

Anyhow, I love all animals and indeed have had my share of animals as an adult.  Currently 6 dogs, 7 cats - (all rescues), a mouse and a gecko.  My original idea for this blog was to ask if you dress up your pet and it got carried away....sorry.  *smile*  So, if you have one, or ever have, do or did you?

A very good friend of mine and many here on Spaces, recently took action in regards to Bush's veto of children's health care.  His letter is below.  Please read it and consider doing the same.  We are all in a health care crisis in this country.  The children need a voice.  Please be that for them.

Thanks for writing to your members of Congress about Bush’s veto of children’s health care. The letter you sent is below.

If you haven’t yet, be sure to tell your friends:

http://www.democrats.org/RejectBush

From stephen rowe stephenrowepainter@msn.com

To Ray LaHood (R), Richard Durbin (D), Barack Obama (D)

Subject Children's Health Insurance Program

Message President Bush vetoed the State Children's Health Insurance Program.

As a life long fine arts painter and poet I know that my works have inspired others to go on and do good works for the betterment. I am a proud veteran yet all of my 60 years have seen wars and wasted money spent on killing rather than healing.
It makes me sad that This Great Nation serves those who are with out conscience to serve themselves with total disreguard, and oblivious to the needs of the people, the children, the elderly that still hold holy the dream of the American people.
Oh, some votes will come from the internet and this will be childs play.
Those who register and vote will make the call.
Override the veto of President
Bush and serve the American people, serve the children of your community, for the children are your legacy and the American dream.

Be well. Stephen Craig Rowe

October 05 1:55 AM
(http://paintingstudio.spaces.live.com/)

This year was a tad drier than last year.  That translates to a much cleaner vehicle at the end of the day.  For the most part we took the same route, but they did add a rocky descent portion to the trail which was cool.  At first, we had decided we would not participate in that for fear of under-carriage damage, but the call of adventure was just too great.  lol  The first vehicle that went down I know without a doubt sustained damage, but with a bit of adjustment to the route down, the second vehicle made it down safely.  After seeing someone else do it, I had to try.  (Maybe I'm a tad competitive)  Since it's my truck, I wanted it to be my  responsibility if something went wrong, so I told Tom I wanted to try it and it had to be the "on-site-expert" guiding me down and not him.  *smile*  (He can make me nervous sometimes)  Once I had made it through, Tom had to try it....he might be a tad competitive too.  *smile*  I was so nervous about the truck, I forgot to take any pics of him going down and he was a little disappointed  about that.  (Sorry Tom.)  I'm hoping the photographer that was traveling  with us got some though.  We  have yet to go pick up his disk.  Anyhow, it was a good time and the vehicle is intact except for needing a big time wheel alignment.  (It was in need of an alignment before we went and my hope that it would be "knocked" back in was not to be.)  

We off-road at The Wild's.  If you are ever in Ohio near Zanesville, this is definitely a great way to spend the day.  Unfortunately, you can't just go and off-road there - it is a special event held by a local organization, but if you enjoy animals and/or conservation, this place is incredible.  Please check it out.

More of this years pictures are in my photo album.  You can click here to see last year's pictures - which include more of the park animals.

This past week has been hectic.  Last Sunday we went off-roading.  My Dad was in town all week for training for a new job and was staying with us (and I seem to be a rattled by house-guests of any kind) which threw off my normal schedule.  Tyler had a tough week (behavior-wise) and Quinton has been sick since Monday.  I left (too damn early) Friday morning for our 6th. Annual Sister's Weekend (which was fun but a little odd) and just got home tonight around 8pm.  I am exhausted.  I haven't had a chance to return any messages yet, but will get to them first thing tomorrow.  I'm looking forward to winding down a little over the next couple of days and hopefully getting some time in to blog a little about this past week and do some space visiting.  Just wanted to update.  Hope all have had a good week.......Happy Monday!